Carmella Fernando/ Flickr

I’m left to wonder about the whereabouts of my family. I originally had the idea that I could get some help and assistance with retrieving them, but when services stalled, I kind of looked for alternatives. I hoped II would get a return word from my family, but no bueno! You know, I started listening to Kanye West’s song “Family Business” and it hit home, especially after my ordeal at the University of Maryland, when I tried to express myself through my class assignments. The next thing I know, I’m being railroaded to prison after numerous stops and harassment.

The fact remained, though, that I was not being properly served. My needs were not being met… It simmered with me for a little while, complicated by the fact that I spent about 15 years with my mother helping to raise my brother’s kids, and now I was faced with and handed this bitter pill?! I sought to gain some understanding by interviewing my mother since I was informed by several family members that my daughter had in fact been in contact with her. That would be in line with everything else that isn’t right by people not opening up to me about her whereabouts and situation. It alienated me even further, but I had faith; after all, she’s a part of their family too! I would expect them to look out for her the same as I have looked out for my nieces and nephew.

So it was disappointing, but I have my faith! Life can be that way sometimes. Just ask Hillary Clinton. But, yeah, you have to overcome adversity. I try to keep the same phone numbers so I can be reached. It’s a little trick I learned from my father. He used to keep an 800 number so we wouldn’t have any excuses about not reaching him. But after spending so many of all those years there kind of lying in wait, and then ending up homeless after my brother finally did get home from prison, is just plain old crazy and unacceptable. Yet it is a REALITY for me.

Then to have those services denied me is a bit much! I can’t move on and restore my family? As if I haven’t suffered through those years enough? You know they say when you do time, your family does time with you…I mean, for the longest time, I couldn’t understand my brother’s logic. But I’ve moved on from allowing others to meddle with my mind. Right now, it (this struggle I’m in) is like a resistant germ or fungus or bacteria when it gets in your body. You utilize antibiotics, yet it still seems to thrive and resist and exist despite your best efforts.

So I have my hands full with this Mountain of Achievement. I’m trying to persevere. So I can’t worry about those things that my family are now responsible for. I feel that it is now their duty to care for my child since it is they who prevented me from reuniting with her! That totally knocked me out the box and bumped me out of my spot (literally), like they judged that they could do it better! So let’s see what sort of pull they have because, quite frankly, my hands are full and again, that blame is due to them not telling me anything and throwing me to the wind. It was quite similar with my niece, when she refused to listen and then other folks allowed her to do what she willed. Then it became their responsibility to look after her, and all that went and came with it.