I want to apologize to you for the way our relationship deteriorated. Up until when I married you, my life had been normal. It might have continued to be that way. It’s hard to look back and know how life might have been. We might have still divorced, but maybe the relationship would have been better. We might have had a child or two. Things could have been different for me and maybe for you too.
We married so soon, that I later began to consider that maybe I had married too soon. I didn’t know you that well and I could have still been free with no responsibilities. You probably also had the same belief about yourself.
Looking back, I think we were both probably good people, but the challenges of being poor and young caused us to not be able to commit to each other more positively. I appreciate the advice you later gave me. Perhaps I should have taken it, but I just felt that it wasn’t right for me at the time after all we had been through. Getting a job in LA was not going to change the environment that I would have had to live in there. There were drugs all over the place and I feared I would not be able to have a stable, purposeful life there at that time.I knew people there, but if I fell apart, there was no one who could really be able to give a lot of himself or herself to try to help reestablish me and it just didn’t seem worth it to risk that kind of situation.