When I was pregnant with Eboni, I was excited to have my first child. But she is the only blessing that came from meeting her dad, who abandoned us.
My family was there for us as I was left to stay with different loved ones and decide where to go. I remember questioning myself after my sister lost her baby. Eboni was just as small and that was devastating to me. I had to be determined to change the circumstances, ‘cause it was all a wreck.
I shifted away from family when I went to shelter. And when Eboni was two, we were able to transition to being housed. This empowered me to just end it with her dad and do this on my own. It was just me and Eboni.
I felt I could move on with juggling my personal life. I was thinking one relationship was better and the next relationship would work out. But those two did not. And that’s okay, I realized. Whether I have a man in my life or not, I can’t give up on me. You’ve got to get unstuck and pick up the pieces.
When I became pregnant with Onyx. I worried I might not be able to stay in touch with my dad because he was moving. “What if I don’t make it?” I thought.
I also told myself I wanted to relocate because I didn’t feel safe in the environment where we were living. It would have kept me in the same mindset and emotional wreck with men.
I wanted to change for the better for my two girls. It was nerve-wracking to relocate to a new place at the same time as my new baby, Onyx, came. But it was all worth it.
When I had Eboni, my circumstances were so different because I did not know where I was on my journey in life, and anything could happen. Now, with Onyx, I know what I want for my family and I know I can control my destiny.
Eboni and Onyx are my gifts in life. I know where I am and where I want us to be.
