Before the coronavirus upended Washington D.C., my life was chaotic. My life became stagnant, wandering aimlessly with no direction or purpose. At 53, I gave up, unable to find happiness in anything.
2020 was not a good year for me. I wasn’t the same since the passing of my longtime partner and friend Antoinette Wollack passed away.. To this day, I’m still struggling with her passing. Without her, I deteriorated, my blood pressure skyrocketed into the stratosphere, where it felt like climbing a set of stairs was climbing Mt Everest, I neglected my hygiene and was severely depressed.
My room looked like a natural disaster area, and that’s insulting natural disaster victims. Although I didn’t like living in filth, I seemed powerless to do anything about it!! The garbage, empty soda cans, scattered books became overwhelming. My room became a junkyard where I accumulated everything but discarded nothing. I dreamed of a clean room but had no clue where to begin
I was in a battle that I kept losing. Living in filth had taken a toll on my psyche and self-esteem. Why did I struggle to stay clean, organized, and focused? I did not know organization was a battle. In all battles you need roadmaps and game plans or attempts are futile. Every day you must fight for that silver lining in times of adversity and despair.
The final straw and the seeds of change
In any contest, whether it’s athletics, chess, or poker, there is an event that will either get you over the hill or sow the seeds of defeat. Thanksgiving Day was the moment I conquered filth. Because my room became so filthy, I had guests in my room. I couldn’t sleep, because the mice were partying. Then one night I dozed off and felt something rubbing my nose.I woke up, and I saw a mouse staring me in my eyes. I threw in the towel, saying, “ I can no longer live this way.”
Thanksgiving was the day I decided to conquer life rather than let life conquer me. By good fortune, out of the piles of dirty books, I discovered a book titled; Organizing for the Creative Person. I systematically read each chapter doing all the assignments and following their instructions. I started off with dread but began unlocking concepts I had learned in the military but forgotten. How I chose sloppiness over paying attention to detail leaves me mystified.
Cleaning my apartment was no longer a chore. It began feeling like I was doing something constructive. The messy papers and dirty books came off the floor and onto bookshelves. Old bills became filed, phone numbers and contacts became systematically filed. It felt as if I was crossing the Atlantic and beginning to see land.
Being sloppy erased years from my life. Great ideas went undetected because I never wrote anything down. I tried diaries, journals, and calendars being gung-ho until something stressful happened. Then I give up becoming depressed and even sloppier. Cleaning benefitted my mental and physical health. Laziness left me unhealthy, sad, and depressed. Cleaning led me to set a time schedule to exercise, write, and pursue the thing I enjoy.
We all get low spiritually but what’s been working as of late is, before I begin my day, I read three books Keep it Simple, Finding The Winning Edge by Bill Walsh, and Twenty-Four Hours a Day. I have a good planner that has a paragraph on goals and the big picture. These simple techniques when stressed can turn a crappy morning into a day filled with enjoyment and energy.
When planning activities, set goals that give you the motivation to have bigger dreams and aspirations. You are no longer crossing the seas without a destination. The way to stay forever young is to be active. There are activities in D.C. that you can plan your day around. Street Sense has writing groups and seminars you can attend. Activity prevents boredom which leads to depression.
Instead of having millions of thoughts, I love using Microsoft Outlook to journal my days and track my goals. I love Excel which has given me greater control over my finances. It’s easy to become a victim, but by journaling, you can celebrate positivity so you don’t revert to stinking thinking. Cleaning has done wonders for my health and self-esteem and I now see the direction I want to head. I learned to shape the surrounding forces rather than have forces shape me. Another bonus was the books I collected are on bookshelves. The notebooks and journals I spent money on are now cataloged and filled. I purchased a new computer that helps me stay on top of the goals I cherish.
What I say isn’t an expert or professional opinion, and I doubt they’ll publish this in an established medical journal. Who cares what they think!! Based on my observations, I believe the best way to prevent mental illness is goal setting. My father used to say, “messy to messy heads.” As I look at where I am from where I have been, through discovery, making your bed or cleaning up after yourself can turn someone from going off the deep end toward becoming coherent and orderly.
In the coming months I will reveal more about utilizing time in turbulent circumstances.
