When words become reality your eyes are wide-open but you still aren’t able to see. The man in the mirror actually had a resemblance or semblance to what use to be me. It wasn’t until words like despair, depression, lust, obsession, dereliction, irresponsibility, addiction, affliction, dirty, untrustworthy, liar, thief, product of the street, soapless, unworthy, and hopeless becoming actual and factual when used to describe me and my behaviors. When loved ones on several occasions made comments to the effect your livin so trife you need Jesus in your life!!!! Only he can save you. Sitting alone thinking I’m finally on my own. Only to realize couldn’t exist with myself without over indulging in alchol and weed until I’m beyond stoned. The mirror didn’t lie, it revealed the inner pains I couldn’t hide, no longer able to take life on life’s terms in stride. Lacking any and all coping skills, myself is the only thing I wanted to kill. However, my desire to my former glory, wouldn’t let my body stay still, sleepless nights and hung over days. Walking aimlessly in our non-functioning haze, speaking in parables convincing those who knew me that I must be deranged and crazed. Institutionalized detoxification lead to an epiphany like manifestation. After returning from my knees begging every higher for merciful relief from what I realized was a fatal disease, ending every sentence with god please please… replace the words that will become my future. Reality, the room was silent and the only word that came to mind was sobriety. Now l love my reality, words that saved a wretch like me.
Sean is new to the Writer’s Group. contact [email protected]
