So I did. I got on my knees and bowed my head and said “God, why have you left me? I need your help, please help me. I’m in so much pain I want to die.”

Then a deep but soothing voice replied “My dear sweet child, I’ve been here all along and have never left you – even though you have forsaken me, cursed me and chosen not to listen. You’ve been consumed with the meaningless things of life and turned your back on Me.”

“Does that mean you won’t help me?” I asked.

“No, my child. I am a loving God not a vengeful one. I will remove the pain and the anguish that you feel. But the hurt will remain, so that you will remember that I am what I say. I am God the Father,” said the voice.

At that moment, the pain was gone and the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. God was gone too. It was at that point that I finally realized and understood what Larry meant by “when the student is ready the teacher would appear,” I never thought My teacher would be God.

This is dedicated to the following important and instrumental people that have taken the time to help me throughout my life:

My mother, Terry Flood, whose love and care for me never stopped and who never gave up on me. The average mother would have quit on day one. And she raised my son when I was unable to do so. Thank you from the bottom of my heart I love you so much.

To my son, Travis. I’m sorry that my addiction took such a toll on you. One day I pray that you will understand that me leaving you with your grandmother was the best thing, but the hardest for me to do, My sincere prayer is that one day you can forgive me.

To Barbara Moore, who’s been my mother’s best friend and support. Thank you for help keeping her strong.

To George B. for your positive attitude, your talks. And always being there for me when I needed someone to talk to. And for being there for my son Travis too. Thanks for being a big Brother and friend, you have my love and respect, always.

To Larry: your words of wisdom, however short, have been embedded into me whether I like it or not. Thank you for your patience, tolerance and acceptance of all my BS. You’ve never yelled at me, only spoken softly with words of wisdom.

To the late Clayton Scott, the days of running through a fire with gasoline pants on are over. Rest in peace.

To the members of the Church of the Savior, the love and support you’ve shown for me, my mother and my son is without parallel.

To the late Gordon and Marry Cosby, pastor, mentor and friend. I miss you both so much.
And to everyone else that has touched my life, sprightly, emotionally, financially… thank you for all your support.

My prayer is that this will help and touch just one person, or help someone choose the right path.