During the 80’s and early 90’s, I identified myself as a lesbian separatist dyke—not gay, rarely lesbian, but always a dyke. My sexuality was always seen through political eyes.
Then came homelessness, and an entirely different reality that included men (usually extremely homophobic straight men) on a constant basis.
I became homeless in the early 90’s. My then lover, her daughter and I left the state of South Carolina and came to the Washington area. We did not know it, but we were to become part of the reality of homelessness in Washington.
Linda and I survived without having our child taken from us for being forced into separation. But we were often harassed by a group of young guys who screamed vulgarities at us. Our daughter was also struck trice for being curious about women’s breasts and touching them. She was only two years old.
We did not, however, survive homelessness intact.
While we had to live in different shelters, we grew in very different directions. We had no cohesiveness as a family, because we were not considered one. Because we were not related by blood, we could not live in the same shelter with one another as family.
Shintara, Linda’s daughter, was with her, and that enabled them to live in a transition shelter. I ended up in quite a few single women’s shelters. I was introduced to a very different way of being lesbian, an unfamiliar and unwelcome entry into a world of straight homeless women that I knew nothing about.
My former lover and I are best friends, but now I identify myself as bisexual with a very strong identity.
The shelter system needs to be over-halted in many ways. Gay and lesbian families end up homeless just as everyone else does; we do not deserve to be separated because someone cannot wrap their minds around our existences. Separation of a family unit is painful and causes so much pain and suffering and so many wounds that sometimes people never recover.
The issues faced by lesbian and gay households are the same as those faced by any family. Separation for any reason undermines the relationship between the spouses and affects parent-children relationships, because they are not allowed to be close.
In order to survive homelessness as a lesbian, I had to be flexible and fluid and learn to accept the separation from my spouse and daughter. But I hope other gay families will someday be able to survive together.
