BEFORE THE RAIN PT 30: IT HAD TO BE ‘DESITIVELY’ YOU

Chris Shaw

Lyndsey and Loomis realized their ‘ride connection’ South had an honors exam to complete,

so there’d be a 36-hour layover before they could hook up at Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Hall on the “judge Washington” campus, as Loom liked calling it. First stop was a sushi

sandwich at the Foggy Bottom Delly, ’cause Loomis vaguely recalls “developing an

odd taste for raw fish” in the presence of his late honored Dad, Esquire Akula Reader,

some half-a-century earlier, at this same humble clapboard establishment. It was so old

and slouchy that Loomis could feel how he developed a real affinity for similar hash

slinging joints down in old ‘Nola’ later on.

Lyndsey wrinkled her sweet upturned nose at the fresh seared tuna and ‘srimp,’ as Loomy

preferred pronouncing it. She ordered fresh frisee lettuce on open pumpernickel bread

spread with Canola mayo, and devoured it hastily. They barely had enough to pay–Loomis

haggled with “Joey,” the founder’s son, who bantered healthily with the son of “Akula,” Hey,

ya know my Dad knew and loved yours, where ya been; but Loomis was a bit embarrassed, if

you can dig ‘Dat,’ and he shepherded Lyndsey and himself to a rickety outdoor picnic table

with the remains of their repast.

“We need more dough,” groaned Loomis, and he began to scrawl on a brown napkin,

“HELP! HEADED BACK TO N.O.L.A! NEED $!!”

“No shinola, Sherlock,” muttered Lyndsey, approvingly. I have an obligation to

fulfill, Loomis dear…” They teamed up with a skinny dirty-faced kid attached to a mottled

mutt with a rope around him, and within an hour or so they had scored up twelve dollars

and a dime.

“Take eight f’yerselves, said the kid, Danny by name (the dog was Fido). “Ye’z look

kinda beat. So the two L’s found themselves on a DC Metro Green train eventually,

en route to College Park, Maryland. At the Chancellor’s office, Lyndsey Pattison

boldly marched in, leaving Loomis out in the hall–dozing on a long mahogany

bench– and demanded to know her status.

Wa’al,” drawled the laconic Chanc’ler Davis, “We’d given you up as lost or dead,

either one, Lyndsey. Though you were a promising Social Work candidate with

lots of compassion and intelligence,you have been dropped from our Outreach

Program to help those sorry-ass “Refugees” down in New Orleans–”

“It just so happens they are more than ‘refugees,’ Doctor Davis, and I’m–”

He broke in and handed her a flimsy envelope. “Here is your severance check.

Good-bye and Good Luck! End of conversation.” He showed her the door,

grimly, his owlish secretary mirroring his masklike disapproval.

Lyndsey slumped gamely against her traveling partner and, it seemed, true love.

“Look,” she said, “129.43!”

“Whut’s wrong wit’ Dat!”, he crowed. “Owee, can we fly dis coop!”

Three hours later, as the sun settled down behind the Shenandoahs, Loomis and

Lyndsey rode shotgun in an orange Pontiac Firebird with geek scholar Winston

Jowles. They palled around long enough to stuff in two fulsome Virginia

home-cooked roadside platters (hog jowls, yams, gravy, syrup and cornbread);

explored a bit of Luray Caverns (where Lyndsey squeezed Loomis tight,

exclaiming, “Gee, those stalactites really DO look like an organ, don’t they!”

Turns out Jowles was supposed to head west to his home in Roanoke, but enjoyed

the company so much he left Loom and Lynds in Fayetteville, across the border in

good ole North Caroo-line, as Loomis termed it. There, outside a Marine bar, a buck

private named “Shotgun,” grabbed Lyndsey outside the corrugated-metal hangout

and tried to have his way with her. Whereupon our esteemed Mister Reader, in

a burst of rage-inspired superhuman strength, grabbed a rusty length of pipe and

whacked “Shot” across the skull good and proper. The aggressor groaned and

rolled off Lyndsey.

They ran into “Junco’s” restaurant (“Reminds me of a ‘Junko Partner,’ whispered

Loomis as he and Lyndsey half cuddled, half cowered in a curtained booth).

Two stocky Carolina state troopers somehow located the pair and trundled

them down to Central Booking. Officer Parmalee informed them of their rights,

fingerprinted and mug-shotted them, and placed the bruised lovers in adjacent cells.

“We need t’ hold y’all, ’til we learn the updated condition of one “Shotgun Eustace

Stevens” over at the Dispensary up the road, okay?”

Parmalee then deposited Loomis, then Lyndsey, in brightly-lit, adjoining cells

with punchboard ceilings and matching wall paneling.”Oh well, sighed Lyndsey,

checking her left stocking for the seventy-eight or so dollars she had stashed,

having somehow charmed the cellblock matron into passing on the strip search.

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