I happen to have a cousin who has five years clean. He is one of my supporters with my addiction. But he’s bossy and always telling me what to do with everything. I had been going strong with my sobriety, then here comes Super Bowl Sunday and we were talking about what we were going to eat. He said he wanted a seafood platter from Cameron’s Seafood. So I said I wanted to buy one too.
He comes out his mouth with, “You can’t afford a seafood platter, you’re not rich.”
That pissed me off. I’m like, “Who are you to tell me what I can buy or can’t buy?” So he hangs up the phone and tells me I’m too smart out the mouth so he can’t talk no more.
May I remind you he is one of my supporters in my recovery, so basically I talk to him all the time when I’m not selling my papers. He keeps me occupied with good conversation. I don’t think about drinkin’ when I’m talking to him.
But the thing of it is, he’s too bossy towards me. He’s all the time trying to tell me when to eat, what to eat, what I should be eating and what I shouldn’t. Yet he’s a dialysis patient and he eats what he wants to eat when he want to do it. He’s the one on a special diet, not me. But I say nothing to him. He’s grown, he knows what to eat and not to eat because he has doctors for that.
My cousin knows that I depend on him for his knowledge and help as far as staying clean is concerned, but he insists on using that time that I spend with him against me. Oh, this was not the first time. He does it any time I voice my own opinion. If I don’t say the right thing, he stops talking to me. Like I’m his toy or something.
He also has a sponsor. He told me his sponsor gives him assignments to do and he don’t do them. He says, “I’m a grown man, I don’t have to do anything.” That just shows that he thinks he knows everything. But he doesn’t.
He reminds me of those people, places, and things that I am supposed to not hang around, because he’s not helping at all. He’s making the situation worse. But I do have to learn not to act too quickly, not to pick at him and think that that’s going to make everything alright. Because at the end, I look crazy.
Now I have to start all over with my clean time because he don’t want to talk to me and I’m hurt, like he rules my world.
I’ve made up my mind not to associate with him anymore, because he really hurts me when he decides to just up and throw our relationship away because I have a mind of my own. I get angry with him and then I pick up like I’m hurting him. I’m only hurtin’ myself in the long run. I’m not going to call him back anymore begging for his friendship, and I’m going to go on with my sobriety without someone that thinks he’s supposed to know my every move and tell me when and where to do this and that.
You can get help from others that have been where you been, but don’t let them just control your life. You can still do things for yourself, all your judgements ain’t wrong. You have sense enough to try and help yourself.
I still have to learn that I love myself and the only way to keep myself is to stay away from those who chose to harm me in any way that they can with their tricks and motives.
Well, no more playing with me. I’m not going to find nobody else to put in his place, I’m just going to keep my thoughts clean and clear from all the messes that people can bring along with them.
I’m on my own with this thing. Wish me luck. Until then, stay clean and stay sober.
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Read Part 3 here.
