I have been to a lot of treatment centers. And one place that I remember asked us why we don’t like ourselves. I thought I did then, but now I know that I was wrong.
The longer I stay sober, the more I realize that I was wrong. I’ve been sober for ten years now. When I was drinking and drugging, I thought something was wrong with everyone else. And I drove them away.
Now, I’m lonely. Some days I want to take care of myself, other days I don’t. I’m not talking about expensive stuff. Some days I don’t feel like wrapping my hair — but I’ve got a great hair stylist! Sometimes I don’t feel like lotioning myself, but I’m getting better. Doing these simple things makes me feel good.
But self-hatred still runs through my veins. I didn’t know society messed me up so bad. And I’m trying to dig myself out. Somebody at an AA meeting called this “the fight to get out.” And I understand that: I am imprisoned in my mind.
