Yesterday was my one year anniversary of sobriety. This time last year, my doctor gave me an ultimatum: to drink is to kill yourself – either stop drinking or, in essence, commit suicide. My blood pressure then was off the charts, so I had to make life-altering changes. I was wretched, shaken and weighed 120 pounds.
Being told to quit something you love is depressing, but I didn’t have to quit drinking alone. There were so many people behind me that the encouragement was awesome. I found out my true potential without being burdened by a drink. Today I can walk down the street and not have to apologize for my behavior the night before. I am grateful for the little things normal people do, like washing clothes and taking showers. I am in bed by 9 p.m. so I can get up in the morning to sell papers.
I kept a written journal of my year of not drinking. Here are some excerpts from my journey to this point.
August 3, 2009, 9 p.m. The date of my last drink. What I remember was that I couldn’t remember anything I had done the night before. I left a family reunion in Ohio, and on the way home I picked up a drifter and went to Wheeling, W.Va. After partying I arrived at the Greyhound bus terminal in D.C. liquored up.
I was so drunk I fell asleep in a park off of 5th and K streets. When I woke up, there were two transvestites involved in a love triangle fighting over this guy who ran off with another transvestite to smoke crack. This was the low point of a sad existence. I looked at my bottle of vodka, poured it out and haven’t been back to that park or taken a drink since.
To quit drinking is like climbing Mount Everest. Sometimes it is awe-inspiring, sometimes there are hazards. Maybe sometimes it is an inspiration, sometimes it is a struggle..but there is no worthwhile achievement without struggle.
September 3, 2009. My bunky was a junkie. I was one month sober, sleeping on my bunk, and I bought a pair of brand new sneakers. I was proud of them because I didn’t waste my money on my usual six-pack. I had a pair of white pants that matched the shoes. I was going to be the coolest cat at my shelter. My bunky had just been released from a penitentiary and I could feel his negative energy. I set a junkie trap.
When my trap ensnared him it was high noon time; I woke up and shrieked and then I tried to kick him. Then I lost it. I connected flush in the gut and as we struggled, the lights in the shelter went on and I got kicked out. It was unfair, but gave me motivation to never have to live in a shelter. I didn’t take a drink over being put out.
September, 2009. I went to see my doctor because I needed to get my prostate checked. My doctor ran a few tests on me. While I waited, I reflected on a failed life. There was no legacy; I had never been married and I prayed to God that day that I would do His will, not mine.
The doctor came out and said all I had was high blood pressure. I hugged him like I had hit the lottery. I was feeling joyous on my way to Union Station, when all of a sudden I crossed the street and a cab driver came barreling around the corner and almost hit me. I became enraged and I flipped him the bird. But I didn’t drink.
October, 2009. Two months without a drink. When I used to drink, my favorite ritual was throwing mail in the trash. Credit cards, I.R.S invoices, medical bills; it didn’t matter. I never read them. I was two months sober, so I decided to open my mail. I even called a few creditors. I noticed all the wonderful phrases they would use, like “if you don’t…” and “very urgent” and “you must call this number…”
Then, I made the mistake of giving my phone number out to one of these creditors. The barrage was relentless. I finally melted and started paying my debts, so they don’t call me anymore. But I didn’t drink over paying my bills.
November, 2009. Three months sober. My odyssey of being homeless and living in soup lines became a thing of the past. I began treatment bipolar disorder and depression. I finally moved out of the shelter and felt the love of all my customers. Many helped me with everything, from supplying me with furniture to helping me apply to college. It feels good today that I do not have to carry all my belongings. November used to be a depressing time because I was usually alone for the holidays, but this time I got invited to many dinners and events. It was a wonderful time for me. It was brutally cold this winter and we had a blizzard, so sales were shut down for a period. I struggled and paid my bills religiously. And I didn’t drink over cabin fever. Even with cabin fever, I still didn’t drink.
March to May, 2010. As winter cold weather turns to spring, the snow melts, birds reappear and so do the junkies and beggars. Many gather on P Street by the Whole Foods. Unlike places like New York and Philadelphia, I rate Washington, D.C. at the top for having the best addicts in the world. They will wash your car, carry groceries home, anything you need. One day I even dropped a couple of dollars and to my shock, one gave me my money back.
June, 2010. Life is so great. I hit several milestones, I got a date after several attempts, my doctor gave me a clean bill of health, and I am currently trying to get my driver’s license back. I was going to cash in on my newly found sobriety. I played a lottery number religiously for almost six months-one day I went to church and heard a preacher give a fine sermon on doing the right thing. Tears ran down my eyes when I thought about my sinful ways, so I decided I should quit playing the lottery. To my dismay I saw on TV that my number won, and even more sickening it came out double. But the silver lining was I was now 11 months sober.
July, 2010. Life truly gets better. Since I quit drinking I have had many blessings. I became a board member for “Street Sense,” and I was invited to many events such as speaking in front of a synagogue and speaking to a PR firm on why “Street Sense” is vital. I became an overnight celebrity by having an article published in “The Washingtonian” and doing an interview for Channel 8 News. If I had known sobriety would be so joyous, I would have quit drinking a long time ago. I am looking forward to many, many more years of sobriety.
